


A Good Man

by carpelucem



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Pre-Slash, Thundershield - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-28
Updated: 2013-11-28
Packaged: 2018-01-02 21:55:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1062076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpelucem/pseuds/carpelucem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He would rather be a good man than a great king.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Good Man

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in the days after New York, before Thor goes back to Asgard.
> 
> Minor dialogue spoiler for Thor: The Dark World in end notes.

Midgardian time was a mere breath compared to the span of Asgardian days, but Thor could not remember hours that stretched longer than those between their post-battle meal and the Director Fury delivering the verdict that Thor could return Loki to Asgard. 

He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat past the mindless fueling of his body, and Thor spent a lot of time staring into the ruins of New York. 

He was having such doubts about Loki, about the havoc and destruction his brother (still his brother, then and always his brother) had wreaked and Thor passed the bulk of his time on Midgard wondering how much of it (all of it) was his own fault. 

Since his time on Earth, his time with Jane and Selvig and Darcy in New Mexico, Thor knew he'd changed. He remembered those weeks after the BiFrost cracked and sheared away under his hands, how they weighed on him still. He was no longer the boy warrior, the shining golden prince of the nine realms. There were places inside Thor that ached still, throbbed with pain like a dislocated shoulder when he prodded them relentlessly, trying to understand where it all went wrong. 

And then, with the rubble of another wasted city laid before him, Thor counted it as another fault to add to his roster - more red in his ledger, in the words of his fearsome new friend, the Widow. Before, victory was marked in blood and the smoking destruction of a razed village. Recently Thor had come to realize that victory, as he would have previously celebrated it, was simply loss. 

Thor knew loss more than he’d ever imagined possible, felt the obvious void that even his eyes tried to deny him existing still. Loki was in the next chamber, and yet, Thor still felt the sore emptiness of his brother's absence. 

His life, the decades and centuries of his boyhood, Thor did what he believed to be right, meting out justice as was his birthright, merely by the luck he was born as son of Odin. Justice was what Thor deemed it to be, and so it was marked. After careful consideration, Thor knew that his vision was clouded with the selfish arrogance of a bullying child. 

The evidence of that was shackled, gagged next to him in a guarded room. 

It was truly devastating. 

When the sun sat high on the second day, Captain Rogers came to Thor. 

Thor respected the man, felt a kindred tie to him. The shield captain, now a brother in arms, he understood war. He could make sacrifices and he had lived through something like this before - and he still walked amongst his people, still awoke every day, hadn’t let it prevent him from doing his duty. 

"I'd say good afternoon to you, but that would probably be a lie." Rogers was honest, didn't make a practice of shrouding his words and meaning in falsehood. Thor understood that, appreciated that facet of his personality almost more than his prowess in battle.. 

"But it is still another day, Captain." 

"I can't argue with that." They stood in companionable silence for a spell, and then he turned to Thor. "You know, you can call me Steve. My friends do - well, they did."

And there, another thing Thor shared with Rogers - Steve. Loss. 

"I accept your friendship, Steve, and I thank you for offering it to me." Steve regarded Thor with a familiar gaze, and Thor was reminded how different the practices of Midgard were to his world, for such a direct stare upon the prince of Asgard might be taken as a measure of disrespect. 

"You're a hell of a fighter, Thor, and while I don't understand a lot of your realm or your ways, I see that. I'm proud to have you on our team."

Thor simply shook his head. "Loki is of Asgard, and he is my responsibility. I just want to see him back where he belongs."

Steve nodded, turned back to the window. "True. But I wasn't talking about Loki." He crossed his arms, the training of a soldier in his stance, even when he was at rest. "I was talking about you." 

Thor felt a muscle twitch in his jaw, and that burn in his chest began to ache anew. 

"Look, I've never had a brother, not one who was there my entire life. But I know what it's like to lose someone who is important, and the things you do to bring them back. How you'd move heaven and earth, if possible - which, it is in your case - to right that. And you should know that it doesn't make you weak to care about something."

There was a fire burning now behind his ribs, fanned from that ember inside Thor. "How is it not weak, to be blinded by someone so thoroughly that this is the result?" 

"You did what you thought was right, my friend. There is no shame in that."

And maybe it was the carefully moderated way Steve said the words, that made them stick. Thor didn't want to believe them, not right away, but he tucked them away, hoping they might be of some comfort later. 

"You're a good man, Thor. You fight across a battlefield, bigger than I could ever imagine, for what is important to you. And that is all anyone could ever ask." Steve angled himself back towards Thor, but he wasn't looking at him. Steve was seeing something Thor could not. "Someone told me once, the point of all of this," Steve gestured to himself, "is not to be a perfect soldier. Strength and size and magic don't make you that. It is what is inside you - being a good man - that does that." 

Steve shrugged and turned back to the skyline. "And you're a good man. Now, I haven't seen much more of the world than what's right in front of us, but I can see that in you." 

And it wasn't better, but it quenched a little of the rage burning inside Thor, the one that was ever threatening to consume him. 

"Thank you, my friend." 

"You're welcome."Steve smiled, something bright that rivaled the sunshine streaming through the windows. "Now, if you're up for it, there's somewhere I'd like to take you, if you're willing to go." 

Thor looked to the room beside him, could almost feel Loki's presence there with them. 

"We've got a Hulk in the building," Steve supplied and Thor felt the barest quirk of a smile at the memory of the green monster tossing Loki about like a child's toy. 

They went through four punching bags and Thor was pleased to find that hand-to-hand, Steve was an opponent worthy of anyone on Asgard. But Thor knew now, that strength was fleeting, and that power didn't come from his hammer or Steve's shield, or from either of their fists.

For Steve, too, was a good man. If he believed Thor to be so, Thor would try not to disappoint him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thor admitting he'd rather be a good man than a great king immediately brought to mind Erskine and Steve's scene in Captain America. I'd like to think that maybe this is part of how Thor arrived to such a conclusion.


End file.
